Ever wake up in the morning feeling like you have a million things to do yet none of them are really for you? I have been feeling that way most mornings lately. I have to tell you, it is not a great feeling. When you are exhausted at the end of then day, it is nice to know that you accomplished something fantastic.
One of the biggest hurdles I face in my life, is just saying no. It is interesting that I have been through so much in my life yet saying no seems to be my major dilemma. I am not sure exactly when it started or where it stems from but ever since I can remember, no has not been a part of my vocabulary when it comes to friends and family. It is not that I mind doing favors for the people I care about…in fact it is just the opposite, I love it! However when it starts to interfere with my business and school, it becomes a problem. Everyone tends to think of me as some sort of superwoman and since I never let on how stressed I am, they continue asking for things.
It recently occurred to me that if I don’t feel like I have my life in balance now, it will only be that much more difficult when I have children. Although I don’t plan on having children any time soon, I think it is important that I reach a certain balance in my life before I begin to even think about it.
This is going to require me saying no more often. I have to remind myself that I can be a good wife, friend, daughter, and sister without doing so much that it effects my business and school. I can be a good person without taking on more than I can handle. If someone asks me to do something that I am fantastic at and I would enjoy, it is perfectly acceptable to say yes. If someone asks me to do something that I can get done in a reasonable amount of time, there is no problem with saying yes. If someone asks me to do something that completely stresses me out and ensures that I will have to play catch up with my business or school, I can and should say no.
My goal is to start saying no to unreasonable requests such as, “I know I have asked you last minute the last five times but can you baby sit my kids in two hours so I can go to a party?” and “Would you mind driving thirty minutes out of the way to pick me up for our lunch date so I can save gas and can you also pay because I forgot my wallet for the third time?” and especially, “Can you find me a job in a field that you know nothing about with a large salary and lots of vacation days? Also, make sure they pay for my relocation. Be sure to exhaust any resources you have.”
I need to just say no to these kind of requests and learn to help people in a way that brings me happiness. When you help others in a way that is positive for both you and them, the rewards are much greater for both of you. There is no need to live a life full of stress because you are handing everyone else’s problems. There is nothing wrong with being honest and upfront about the favors you can happily take on and the ones you are just going to have to say no to.
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